once upon a podcast

so there has been a lot of hub bub over the "you know what of it" blog post that graced this place awhile back. for a few days i felt famous!!

then like a villian!

then i was embarrassed!

then i remembered i liked myself, and what i stand for, and what i said!

it was an emotionally up and down few weeks (well technically, up, down, down, up)

but you know what didn't change from one feeling to another? the why, how and what of  the story behind the blog post. people said what they wanted to say about it---and so many of you said such great things (thank you)---and some of you, not so great things (tears)--and i am {forced smile} totallllly okay with all of it, promise. *wink

but in case you want to hear a little bit more about what i was thinking and who i am, i would listen to this podcast with michael howard of musea:

http://blog.mymusea.com/post/16182413614

warning--its loooong, and well, its my voice. which can get a lil bit annoying. but its also really super cool that michael invited me to be on his podcast--and while you're over in his territory, be sure to check out his blog, tons of useful and fascinating insights into this whole photography gig. the kind of stuff you haven't thought of before.

then came podcast numero dose. which is also long, and which also features more of my voice! but not quite as much this time. in fact, i might venture to say you hear more from one very intelligent todd reichman on this one, who incidentally wasn't a huge fan of my sick of it blog post, OR me..at first.  the podcast is  a fascinating discussion on branding, artistic intregrity, and whether or not art can or should sell itself. i walked away scheming on ways i can improve my business, and if you find yourself in a similar position as me with regard to hoping the phone will ring..annnnnytime now....i encourage you to give it a listen.

http://www.amantofish.com/2012/01/25/podcast_episode_4/

if you do find the time to tune in, i would love to hear your thoughts--like, mom, is my voice really that shrill in real life?

a coupla things

i feel like someone who's won one of those high school awards like, best hair, or best style, or most likely to succeed. so.

much.

odd (odd but it makes you feel amazing, but you kinda know that in the long run it might not mean anything at all, actually)

recognition.

except my recognition was for sucking. ha. how 'bout that. not the way i'd always fantasized about a viral yan post going down, but it is what it is.

and your support?

has been incredible. beyond that. its been miraculous.

yeah i knew this business was hard. but i didn't know my experience would resonate with so many-i didn't know, didn't want to think that so, so many of you were going through the same thing, or worse.

your words and support left me in a literal state of shock. i couldn't eat yesterday. i couldn't move from my couch. i couldn't pay attention to my kids --okay, i probably could have and should have tried harder there to do so, but i'm making a point here---it just felt like every single last bit of me was engrossed in trying to wrap my mind around what was happening. and that meant i had to stay on my couch. glued to my computer.

for like 4 hours.

to me it went like this: i had blogged, i poured my guts out, i clicked post and in the first 3.7 minutes i began to question what i had done. wondered if it was as momentous as it felt, wondered if anyone would ever read it.

and i started to feel silly. and insecure.

but you did read it.

a lot of you did.

and you linked it.

you tweeted it.

*i realize i don't really need to give you a recap here, but for the sake of flow, let's keep going*

you reposted it.

and before i knew it i had 200 comments, an overflowing inbox, regards from south africa, hater posts written on the subject, and someone asking me to do a workshop in sweden.

yeah.

all of which made me feel a million times more silly  than i had in those first few minutes when i thought no one might read it at all.

silly and overwhelmingly grateful. THANK YOU.

i can't help but feel i should spend the rest of my life saying thank you.

but for now what  it comes down to is the decision i made yesterday. a decision i made before writing that post, before spilling my guts, before all the eyes in the photo world suddenly turned to me--

and its that i want to let people reading this blog know me. whether 5 of you are reading it or 5,000, i want you to come here and find something real. and i guess that means letting you all love me and hate me some too.

i hope you stick around.

lastly, here's a song i'd like to dedicate from me to you, hot 9 at 9 - call in to your local radio station- style.

please listen. its an old fav of mine and i feel it speaks to all of us who are struggling.

ONLINE MENTORING WITH YAN PHOTOGRAPHY

well, it seems like its been ages since i mentioned i was offering mentoring and an on line option was in the works. i've finally decided to make it a reality, and will now, for a limited time be offering on line mentoring sessions with yours truly. the sessions will be 4 hours long via skype or gmail video chat, whichever you fancy, and they will be jam packed with learning, including a super honest and straightforward, no holds barred portfolio review. to get the full scoop, including pricing info and topics we cover, please email me at photography.yan@gmail.com. these spaces will be very limited, so if you are interested, please contact me soon. can't wait to meet some of you crazies out there!

or by golly, just click on the download for info, and email me if you have questions or would like to secure your spot!

download the online mentoring info here!

casting call!

UPDATE: I AM SO SORRY WE COULDN'T RESPOND TO

EACH ONE OF YOUR EMAILS. WE FOUND WHAT WE

WERE LOOKING FOR BUT A BIG FAT KISS TO YOU ALL!

hey readers out there in the big wide world! i am looking for a couple of "models," for a commercial shoot taking place next week. if you or someone you know fits the criteria below, please send an email immediately to photography.yan@gmail.com. models will be paid.

11 year old shaggy hair boy

18 month - 2.5 year old boy or girl

2-3 moms age 22-35 (seeking a variety of looks)

thanks so much and please tell your friends!!!

xoxo,

yan