t-t-t-t-travel dates

so i'm looking into the face of the unknown star wars style, and am going to try something i've never really succeeded at before: planning ahead.

yup, i'm packing up my gear  into my junky red camera bag that used to be a bowling bag and is completely impractical because of its lack of compartments, and hitting the road this spirng/summer!

in a way it feels like saying, "i know where i'm not wanted! i'm going where the people love me!" followed by a dramatic door slam.

then when i think about the amazing families who have invited me into their home  territories to document the toes and faces and hugs of those that are most precious to them, i feel humbled and so, so grateful.

so here are the travel dates and locations for Spring 2012 family sessions:

Los Angeles, CA: March 1-3

San Diego: March: 5-6th

San Francisco: March:  7-8

Boise: May 16-19

Utah (provo-slc): May 23-26

NYC: June 1-4th (3rd is blacked out)

Now, here is the thing about booking a travel session with your old pal yan. i am trying to streamline and simplify. what does that mean? it means one flat rate due at the time of booking that covers my time, travel and a CD of the images we create with a fancy print release for you to print as and how you wish. that's right, a pretty straight forward shoot and burn operation with no strings attached. in doing it this way, i can keep my costs lowerish for both me and you, and hopefully hold onto my sanity! please note that prices may vary somewhat between locations based on travel cost estimates.

so if you want to grab a session in your city during one of these times and want to konw the magic flat rate cost, please email me pronto!

photography.yan @gmail.com

or just click here: Contact Yan

its first come first serve, and the doors are officially open, hooray! here's to someone fighting over a slot the way two crazy ladies fight over a pair of boots at a clearance sale! (hey, a girl can dream right?)

not sure what i'm about and if my photography is right for your family? check out my best of 2011 families post here.

p.s. i'm really nice and you should hire me. ;)

once upon a podcast

so there has been a lot of hub bub over the "you know what of it" blog post that graced this place awhile back. for a few days i felt famous!!

then like a villian!

then i was embarrassed!

then i remembered i liked myself, and what i stand for, and what i said!

it was an emotionally up and down few weeks (well technically, up, down, down, up)

but you know what didn't change from one feeling to another? the why, how and what of  the story behind the blog post. people said what they wanted to say about it---and so many of you said such great things (thank you)---and some of you, not so great things (tears)--and i am {forced smile} totallllly okay with all of it, promise. *wink

but in case you want to hear a little bit more about what i was thinking and who i am, i would listen to this podcast with michael howard of musea:

http://blog.mymusea.com/post/16182413614

warning--its loooong, and well, its my voice. which can get a lil bit annoying. but its also really super cool that michael invited me to be on his podcast--and while you're over in his territory, be sure to check out his blog, tons of useful and fascinating insights into this whole photography gig. the kind of stuff you haven't thought of before.

then came podcast numero dose. which is also long, and which also features more of my voice! but not quite as much this time. in fact, i might venture to say you hear more from one very intelligent todd reichman on this one, who incidentally wasn't a huge fan of my sick of it blog post, OR me..at first.  the podcast is  a fascinating discussion on branding, artistic intregrity, and whether or not art can or should sell itself. i walked away scheming on ways i can improve my business, and if you find yourself in a similar position as me with regard to hoping the phone will ring..annnnnytime now....i encourage you to give it a listen.

http://www.amantofish.com/2012/01/25/podcast_episode_4/

if you do find the time to tune in, i would love to hear your thoughts--like, mom, is my voice really that shrill in real life?

my favorite thing about marriage

are moments like the one marty and i had two nights ago while falling asleep: marty: (in that trippy place in between sleep and being awake--think heavy breathing)

me:  hey! i just made up another joke, you want to hear it?

marty:  ughhhoo

me: okay. what do you call a panda in a swimming pool?

marty: whaaaaaargggh?

...................wait for it

me: a panda in a swimming pool! (insane, obnoxious laughter)

martin: (in spite of himself): hahahahahahahahahaha

me: i am totally winning!

martin: winning what? who are you playing against?

me: the panda!

martin: hahahahahahaha

me: see, i win again!

*we both fall asleep smiling

.......

what i love most about marriage is the silly nonsense. the ability to make the lamest joke in the world and be appreciated for it.  then the ability to follow that joke with something that makes absolutely no sense---to anyone but you and him. happy sigh.

what do you love most about marriage?

and speaking of marriage, i'm working on editing this loveliest of lovelies wedding:

BEST OF 2011 FAMILIES

i never wanted kids. the number of times i fantasized about being a mom as a young girl was -2. ladies at church would ask me to "babysit sometime," and i would smile and nod, then pray they'd never call. when i found out i was pregnant, 2 days before my 1 year wedding anniversary, i cried. not happy tears. i clung to marty, terrified, and tried not to think about anything at all.

the next day i went on a run. we lived on oahu , and let me just tell you that sweating in hawaii feels like secreting sticky glue from your pores.  i ran my normal route to the end of laie point,  cursing the hawaii sun because i was so freaking hot.  i was so uncomfortable i started to worry. not about myself, about something else. then suddenly a feeling rushed through my chest,  shocking me and relieving me all at once.

love.

fierce, crazy love. a desire to do anything and everything to protect my baby. and i know this sounds incredibly dramatic, but the fact is, it was dramatic. the change was so night and day, i could hardly believe it myself. the fear i felt finding out i was pregnant was replaced by love and curiosity. what would it possibly be like to become a mother? it became something i definitely wanted to find out.

when i look at this post--that is waayyyy too long because  i suck at editing sometimes---when i look back at the families i photographed in 2011, that is what i think about. how family changes everything even when you don't want it to. its a miracle and a curse, and its the most beautiful power i've ever witnessed.  it will always be my favorite thing to photograph.

p.s. can you find the one photo that was actually shot in 2010?

a coupla things

i feel like someone who's won one of those high school awards like, best hair, or best style, or most likely to succeed. so.

much.

odd (odd but it makes you feel amazing, but you kinda know that in the long run it might not mean anything at all, actually)

recognition.

except my recognition was for sucking. ha. how 'bout that. not the way i'd always fantasized about a viral yan post going down, but it is what it is.

and your support?

has been incredible. beyond that. its been miraculous.

yeah i knew this business was hard. but i didn't know my experience would resonate with so many-i didn't know, didn't want to think that so, so many of you were going through the same thing, or worse.

your words and support left me in a literal state of shock. i couldn't eat yesterday. i couldn't move from my couch. i couldn't pay attention to my kids --okay, i probably could have and should have tried harder there to do so, but i'm making a point here---it just felt like every single last bit of me was engrossed in trying to wrap my mind around what was happening. and that meant i had to stay on my couch. glued to my computer.

for like 4 hours.

to me it went like this: i had blogged, i poured my guts out, i clicked post and in the first 3.7 minutes i began to question what i had done. wondered if it was as momentous as it felt, wondered if anyone would ever read it.

and i started to feel silly. and insecure.

but you did read it.

a lot of you did.

and you linked it.

you tweeted it.

*i realize i don't really need to give you a recap here, but for the sake of flow, let's keep going*

you reposted it.

and before i knew it i had 200 comments, an overflowing inbox, regards from south africa, hater posts written on the subject, and someone asking me to do a workshop in sweden.

yeah.

all of which made me feel a million times more silly  than i had in those first few minutes when i thought no one might read it at all.

silly and overwhelmingly grateful. THANK YOU.

i can't help but feel i should spend the rest of my life saying thank you.

but for now what  it comes down to is the decision i made yesterday. a decision i made before writing that post, before spilling my guts, before all the eyes in the photo world suddenly turned to me--

and its that i want to let people reading this blog know me. whether 5 of you are reading it or 5,000, i want you to come here and find something real. and i guess that means letting you all love me and hate me some too.

i hope you stick around.

lastly, here's a song i'd like to dedicate from me to you, hot 9 at 9 - call in to your local radio station- style.

please listen. its an old fav of mine and i feel it speaks to all of us who are struggling.