let's all hold hands and chant serenely, "we'll get through this together...we'll get through this together." because let me tell you that when the last few strands of daylight are slipping behind the mountains, and marty says to me, "we need to take your picture," and i haven't showered since, well, since, and i've spent the entire day yanking my shirt down to cover the fact that my stomach quadrupled in size in less than 24 hours, and my pants are never buttoned---well, i feel for my clients. because sometimes getting your picture taken is really really really super a lot hard. sigh. i want to support marty, really i do. but do you want to know what actually happens during picture time? i get all stressed out and suggest a million different things for him to try, and ask annoying questions like, "is the camera even on me? it doesn't even look like you're taking a picture of me....did you lock the focus? i didn't hear the beep....shouldn't i stand over there? are you even listening to me?" and on and on and on and on....and marty get's frustrated that i'm trying to "take control," and then i realize i'm my worst nightmare in terms of a client, and try to shape up, but by this time the shoot is pretty much over.
then i snatch the camera from him and scroll through the pictures mega fast, telling him all the things he did wrong and picking apart my appearance just like every other woman i like to pretend i'm not like. yes, i'm THAT mean, and let's not forget, hypocritical.
but, there's good news. namely that i married the most patient man on the planet, on every planet actually, including pluto before it got the boot.
second, i like this picture. even though everything i said about its circumstance is true (i ended up taking a five minute shower, insisting a wet hair portrait would be cool). even though i don't have any makeup on, and was not blessed with eyebrows (though i hope in the next life?), even, even, even though, there is a limb chop i won't even mention...
i think this portrait is really nice. so thanks marty. you made me feel pretty. and i promise i'll do better.
p.s. people, don't worry, we have photos of other living, breathing humans we are excited to share soon!
