who are you?

i'm that girl, with the quiet voice that gets swallowed in big places. really. don't bother talking to me on a bus or at a concert, i try and try to make myself heard, truly, i make jazz hands with my vocal chords, which is really hard to do by the way.  despite all my attempts at projecting, i still find myself on the receiving end of too many blank, "oh, uh huh's..." i like pretty things. flowers, sunsets, dresses with light shining through, pretty things almost every one likes. but just as much, i like things that are different, yes, sometimes i even like them because they are different. and in my younger years, i was always on a race to find, wear, listen to, read, the newest, different thing. i will take credit for bell bottoms sweeping junior high fashion, and the capri pants becoming the  plague of freshman year.

i'm normal and i'm not normal. i'm a vegetarian in theory but no longer practice. and though this post is starting to take on a tone far too akin to an alanis morisette song for my comfort, i somehow want people to know these things about me. i'm an extroverted introvert.

sometimes i want to be alone. sometimes i have trouble focusing. you should insert "a lot of times," for both of the 'sometimes,' in the prior two sentences-- and sometimes, well, just once really, i allowed my blog to go practically silent for a year, despite valiant proclamations that i would do just the opposite.

so this time around, no promises. just secret hopes and goals, and a better understanding of who i am and what really matters.

so far in life i've been a diana (to my teachers), anna (to my family), d (to my teammates), and more. though part of me quietly fears that the choice of who i'll be is too hard to consciously make,  this year i've decided i'm a yan. did you know uncle marty gave that nickname to me?  i even write 'yan,' on my water cup that i place beside the kitchen sink.

a yan (rhymes with can),  is always a wife and mother first. a yan shoots digital with the hopes of transitioning to shooting mostly or all film in the near future. a yan shoots with her heart, and her style, and sometimes falls short, even after her best efforts. a yan believes experimentation is necessary for  growth. a yan isn't in it for the comments. a yan isn't worried too much about who, where, or if when its been done before, but is more concerned with following her own voice. a yan is scared and excited to announce new things, but always, always hopeful. a yan, will now abruptly stop referring to herself in third person, so if i've lost you in this last paragraph, will you forgive me now?

further, will you allow me to share a set of pictures almost entirely unrelated to everything i've written up to this point? i kept thing, oh, i'll cleverly connect the two at some point, but that point got lost in my run on sentences i think. so here are my second set of images from jonathan canlas's FILM IS NOT DEAD workshop. thanks to the awesome models, who were real people, just like you, and a yan, i mean  me.