sucked into the wppi vortex

okay, that just sooooo didn't count. as badly as i wanted to blog from vegas, i was denied internet access on every front! but i'm here now and back in the game, and trying to rack my brains for ways to prove i'm super duper serious about this daily blogging business. time will tell.

for now i'd like to share some images of a rockstar-esque couple. jessica and kevin are photographers in the denver area, and graciously agreed to model for myself and my buddy trish during a full day mentor session (the coolness, hilarity and talent of trish is a subject for a whoooole nother blog post). i felt like i was shooting famous people, that's how at ease they were in front of the camera. it was borderline make you wanna drop to your knees and cry and of cold, but jessica and kevin were capital T tuff, and game for anything. all i had to do was ignore that gleam of "i wanna kill you, let me go home," in their eyes and happy shooting times were had by all.

things i love: the gorgeous winter light--the way nature can bathe the coldest days in visual golden warmth. the couple's look: hi, pink hair. hi cool long gray hiar. high hobo gloves, and pink high heels. i think we're all going to get along nicely. last but not least, i love  their connection. that's the real reason for this whole gig anyway.

all images shot on contax 645 and canon eos 3. you know, the usual.

the mommy dilemma

today i leave for wppi. i feel sick about it. punched in the gut, clear the path to the toilet, i might throw up kind of sick.  marty says its because of the green smoothie we both drank this morning, and insists his stomach is upset too.

but we both know the reason for our unease is this trip. that i'm leaving. again. that when i get back i will be home for less than a week before leaving the 4 of them for a week of shooting in Califronia. it hurts.

it hurts a lot.

i know what you're thinking. why the heck are you going then? wppi is just a fun thing, stay home, be with your babies and hubby while you can!

well the funny thing about the living contradiction that i am, is that, i want to go. i need some time for me. time that the pure objective of is to have fun. i do this maybe once a year, if that. and i need it to be more sane, more whole, more me. the me that is separate from mommy, and separate from simply yan the photographer who i am on work trips.

but that doesn't mean i don't feel sick. because you see, i've got these guys:

and let's not forget uncle marty, the love of my life.

and i just hate hate hate that i can't shrink them and put them all in my pocket to take with me. of course a week ago during a long afternoon i was counting down the days and minutes, fantasizing about my time away--but now that its here, i'm a teary emotional mess. and this my friends is the mommy dilemma. i know you've been there too, and a lot of you out there probably feel the same way.

interestingly, as i was complaining to my own mom on the phone about how hard it all was--to be a working mom (tip: don't complain to a mother of 10 who has worked her whole life and still been the most amazing mother in the entire world), she's the one who put me in my place.

"be tuff anna (what my family always calls me, yet another name, i know, i know). you're doing it for them. and you can't do anything in this world without sacrifice." "i know," i said. because i did. even though it kept hurting. and even though today, i still feel sick and stressed. but i know what i'm doing, and what must be done. and sometimes life is just that way.

refusal to fail

and here we are again--that place where i'm disgusted with myself for not doing what i promised to do-- blogging.

every day.

creating a community right here where we can talk, gripe, and laugh together.

and let's not forget the pictures, shall we?

i am DONE with overthinking. done with waiting for the perfect thought, the funniest anecdote to share with you.

don't wait, create. that's what i tell others. time to practice what i preach.

so here is my promise to y'all. i am gonna be here 6/7 days. saying something. and it might be boring, or self indulgent, or repetitive, or a joke that bellyflops in the most painful way. i'm not going to think so much about that. i'm just going to do my darndest to show up.

i hope you show up once in awhile too.

wait, what's that, you wanna see a photo? oh alright. =)

i call this series of self-portraits "the right angle."  you know what i'm talking about. when you try to shoot yourself in the most flattering, possibly deceptive manner and then blast the internet with your photo so people are tricked into thinking you're a mega babe?  we alllll do it, am i right ladies? i mean, instagram just makes it waayyy too easy. we find our right angle,  then we post, check back every 5 seconds for a new compliment/comment, and respond with some  internet version of, "whaaaat? this old thing?! oh you're too, too kind."

hahahaha.

yeeeaaaahhhh--i'm about to post a bunch of junky yan right angles captured with  instagram/fb. here we go. if you follow me on instagram, or are my friend on fb, you've already seen most of these. but i don't know, i think they're worth another look (wink).

playing up my one true beauty, my hair:

oh hey, i'm sly, yet kinda sexy, yet wise and soulful, and why yes, my hair just happens to look sensational:

not only am i super hot, i'm a mom too!!! totally presh.okay, you caught me, i've taken one too many self portraits, but i still think i look good right now, and can't seem to stop myself from posting just onnnne more:this one was tricky. i wanted to show my man, my outfit, AND jonathan canlas' rad book, but how to cover up my squishy middle? oh, I'VE got it (bonus points for showing 2 pretty photos of myself in one self portrait!!!):

i did my hair kinda different, but starting to feel stupid about taking so many pictures of myself. oh well it must be done:

and a true low/high point--i got ready at like 4pm specifically for taking a pretty picture of myself, but then i couldn't bring myself to do it seriously and resorted to scrunch face to make myself feel not quite so vain and narcissistic.

and then we have the harsh reality:

=) thanks for indulging me fine readers. i really hope you got a good chuckle or two in. don't forget to meet me back here tomorrow. and then M-S of next week, yes, wppi week.

one last thing, if you leave a comment on this post, like i'm praying you do, do you think you can link to a quick photo of yourself? i mean, i'm feeling a little exposed here and would like to be on equal ground. actually, the truth is i so badly want to put faces to your names. even you mom. picture, please. xoxoxo